Marriage Ref IV | Selflessness smells good

On my way into the room I noticed my husband Dan had beat me there. He was busy setting up tables and neatly lining the chairs at each side. Every few moments, he would stand back, survey the room, tweak a table or two then repeat the whole process. About thirty minutes later when he was sure the room was "just right", he kissed me on the cheek telling me how proud he was of me.

I was teaching a coupon class at church and to be honest, that really didn't interest him. However, what did interest him was my interest. If the class meant something to me, then he found value in it also.

Years ago Dr. Kevin Leman, a well know Christian Psychologist and author, wrote a book called Sex Begins in the Kitchen. In it he describes the purpose of the book.

"Sex begins in the Kitchen is premised on the idea that your mate ought to be the number-one priority in your life; that a good marital relationship is based upon pleasing each other, being sensitive and tuned-in to each other's emotional as well as sexual needs."

Later on that same page he gives the grim state of many marriages...

"Unfortunately, in most marriages, couples seem to live in a 'married-singles' lifestyle. In too many of these homes nothing at all happens behind bedroom doors. And if a sexual relationship does exist, it occurs only as a ritual or a duty, a few minutes squeezed in after the late news and before Letterman."

Dan and I saw that separation, or as Leman calls it "married singleness", in marriage after marriage. Fearful we might take the same road, we decided to be purposeful toward one another. We began to cleave to those couples around us who seemed to still be "in love", learn from them and adopt our own helpful ways.

Understand, I am not simply talking about sex here. I am talking about intimacy, which goes hand in hand with a healthy sexual marital relationship.

::truth::
the only path to true intimacy in a marriage | become "selfless"

When a husband or wife adopts a selfless attitude, intimacy abounds! Just as Christ sacrificed for all of us, we are called to do the same for our spouse.

"Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."
Ephesians 5:2

Scripture is clear that we are to be filled with love and sacrifice, this is "... a pleasing aroma to God." I don't know about you, but I want God to like my smell!

Dan taking time out of his day to set up for my coupon class wasn't a huge sacrifice. It was more along the lines of a small part of a much larger plan... "To live a life filled with love and sacrifice" for both his God and his wife. This left God pleased and me overwhelmed.

Remember...

the only path to true intimacy in a marriage | become "selfless"

Dr. Leman says "Sex begins in the kitchen", but I say when we become selfless, sex begins now!

[To get more information about Dr. Leman's awesome marriage and parenting resources, check out his website.]