Kryptonite.

Hello all. First and foremost, let me apologize for my prolonged absence! It seems with Christmas and all my family duties, church duties and traveling... time got away from me. However, something happened over the break that I really felt the need to share with you all...


Every once in awhile something leaves our lips that is beyond wise and actually borders on prophetic. I wish I could say that I said something recently that falls into this category, however, my story centers around a comment made not by me, but by my husband Dan.

Dan and I spent the last 11 years together. In that time we have laughed, cried, learned and loved. I am truly blessed to have such an incredible husband who still pursues me, even after all these years. But even more, I have a best friend. And like any best friend, he knows me. He knows my likes, dislikes, good moments, bad moments and all that is me. So, it makes sense that he had such an insight... but nonetheless, the revelation was still pretty stunning.

Over Christmas we visited family. Because we are both from Michigan it meant loading up the car and hitting the road for twelve hours. On the "in-between drive", the one after visiting my family but before visiting his, Dan shared some thoughts with me.

We were discussing my relationship with my family and where I grew up (loaded statement, right?).

To remind you... (I have shared about this before)

How, for me, my home town is a visible reminder of past choices.
How when I visit, I feel like every bad choice I made
is staring right back at me.

How, when I am there, I am no longer Melissa, mother of three, wife of Dan, daughter of Christ...
but instead, I am that young girl again. The one who was empty inside and made destructive choices in desperate attempts to be filled.

In our discussion Dan threw it out there... "Melissa, going home is your Kryptonite." He continued to point out how normally, I am a strong, outspoken person... one who glows of Christ. "But," he said, "when you visit home, you lose your joy and become quiet. You are not you."

Wow. Kryptonite. He has never been so right. I knew going home was hard for me and I struggled with it for years, however this was more. Dan was saying "This changes you."

I guess I act different because I fear they all see the old me. That somehow, the grace of God is invisible to them and this leaves me powerless. I couldn't be more wrong...

2nd Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Paul wrote this passage to Timothy while in prison in Rome. Only Luke the Physician and Paul's coworker remained with him. Many scholars believe Paul suspected his death was near and that he wrote to Timothy in hopes that Timothy might come to Rome.

Paul goes on to say...

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." 2 Timothy 1:8-10

Paul was right. God has given us His spirit and that spirit is not one of fear... or timidity. It is one of power, of love. So I need to let go of the shame that creeps in when I visit home. I need to again, lay it at the feet of the One Who's grace is alive in me. God's power doesn't suddenly leave me when I cross the city limits... but I have realized I pull away from Him.

Trusting in His grace is somewhat easy here, safe at home in North Carolina. However, real faith happens when in the face of all that was, I choose to believe that He is all there is.

Kryptonite or not, God is molding me...turning up the heat every once in awhile, exposing remains from the past that need to go. I only pray that I can be like Paul, rejoicing in the suffering and growing in His power.