Tiptoeing the Truth.

Hello all... a good friend asked I share this on my blog. I wrote it back in the summer but for some reason didn't decide to post it until she urged me to (thanks cathy!)My aim with this is to open discussion, not criticize. So please keep the arrows at a minimum! lol.

I am not what one might consider a typical woman. My idea of a stellar afternoon would be one spent discussing social justice issues and following it up with a great political debate. I try and educate myself about current affairs and believe it is my duty as a citizen to do so. I can reach a threshold when it comes to shopping and home parties make me want to hurl. Now, this may not seem too controversial, however I am a Pastor’s wife. And with that I have found comes a boatload of expectations. The expectations are so great, that after only four months into my role as a Pastor’s wife I was cut to pieces over my lack of involvement in our church’s women’s ministry. I was accused of being a poor example and sending the wrong message to other women. After all, if staff wives aren’t involved, what does that say about our ministry?

In the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know I did not grow up in the church. In fact, I did not become a Christian until I was 24 years old. So my view of women’s ministry is undoubtedly affected by my personal experience. When I was saved I really wanted to purge my past life, but could not find a safe place to share and heal. This is a failure of the church, as a whole and not a condition our women’s ministry needs to entirely own. However, I believe we should be at the forefront of fixing the problem.

Over the past few years I have realized most women don’t fit the “typical” mold assigned to us. We are all uniquely made. And my dislike of home parties has more to do with what I see as faulty assumptions about women than the actual act of selling in your home. We are not solely emotional beings. We are capable of depth and we desire to impact the world around us. What I have found is most women desire purpose. So, I am left to ask you, is your ministry providing purpose?

Please know I am not condemning women’s ministry as a whole. Nor am I suggesting we reinvent the wheel. There are many things women’s ministry does right. For example, most churches offer a variety of bible studies, social events and connection luncheons. These aspects of ministry can serve as a great foundation in defining a purpose. However, many ministries stop here. They fail to leverage the connections made at these social functions and in doing so fall short of impacting their communities. Instead, a holy huddle of sorts is formed where we serve one another through dinners, encouraging phone calls, notes of appreciation and the like. Which is not necessarily bad. But, as we focus on one another, who is showing love to the women beyond our church walls? Who is focusing on them?

Because we are all uniquely made, it is difficult to design a ministry that appeals to all women. We need not fight that losing battle. What we can do is recognize the diversity and switch things up from time to time. Providing choices in both topic and schedule may make it easier and more appealing for women to be involved. Instead of holding all our bible studies at the church in the middle of the day, realize some women work. Offer evening groups or maybe a lunchtime coffee shop option. Consider shaking up your topic selection as well. Remember, women are capable of depth and most desire to go outside of the box.

If we ignore the warning signs before us, our ministries may be doing more than leaving many women out… we may actually be excluding the next generation. In our midst are young women who desire to radically love the unlovable. They desire to be more than what is traditionally expected of them. When I speak with these women rarely are any of them connected to a women’s ministry organization. Instead, they usually identify with young adults groups that empower women to go beyond the norm. Here they find options in growth and service and, most importantly, they say they are finding purpose.

Please do interpret my comments as a doom and gloom opinion. It is not my aim to discourage women’s ministry leaders. If anything, we women need to speak up more often. Our leaders cannot read our minds. If we continue to tiptoe around the truth we only prolong the problem. If you are a leader, listen to your women. Consider non-typical means of reaching out and don’t underestimate God’s ability to impact your community through your ministry. Women, if you are part of a ministry, share your desires with your leader. Suggest ways you can impact women in your community. Assist in creating a safe environment for healing and by all means seek out purpose!
I suspect many women feel just as I do and agree that we have tiptoed around the truth long enough. I feel we cannot deny the fact women are being excluded in the current form our ministry is operating in. I know countless women, including myself, who are ready to embrace change… the question is, are you?